Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
