Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Randomize
