i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Randomize
