im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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