You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
