Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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