dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
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I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
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So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
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