So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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