I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
