she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
