We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize