I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
