Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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