so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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