last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
