Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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