My sheets look like a crime scene.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
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