Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
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Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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