What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
