Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
