don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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