I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
it glows. i had to have it.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
