I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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