just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize