sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
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