I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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