Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
