So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
