....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
