I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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