He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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