I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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