I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
