Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize