Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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