Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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