I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
