If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
