Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
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do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
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In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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