I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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