I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
