??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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