Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
