I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
