i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
