I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
