Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
