You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
