Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
