between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
