I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize