Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I came so hard my ears popped.
how does that bad decision feel?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
