I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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