I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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