I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
