mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
