I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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