Where did you get a picture of my penis
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
