Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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