i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
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If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
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Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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