I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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