6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
