saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
