You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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