Where are you?
In a non slutty way
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Randomize
