I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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