last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
