Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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