My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
