If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
My liver just had a heart attack.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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