That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
A+ Viking dick
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
