allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
