She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
