You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
