Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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