i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
