I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
