how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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